The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize