Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
