Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
