So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
