Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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