You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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