thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
