We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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