I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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