I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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