Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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