6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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