Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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