I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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