I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
