fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
