You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
