If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
