Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
