So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
