Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
