The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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