big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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