So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
