I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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