yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
