uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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