fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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