the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
