I wish my penis had an off switch
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
