so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
