That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
