That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
