you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
