I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
