when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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