If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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