My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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