i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize