i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
