who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
