I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
