That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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