How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
