We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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