I am spending my child support on dildos
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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