drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
