I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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