dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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