I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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