I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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