I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
