Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
birth control should be required to get into college
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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