Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
