could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
