If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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