I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
