this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
