theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Michael Bay diarrhea
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
3pm strippers are depressing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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