Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
