i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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