So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
zippers are such a cool invention
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
