Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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