i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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