You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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