there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
