who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
