I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
