this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
