i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Houston, we have a squirter
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
