why do cheetos always look like penises
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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