Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
