I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
