Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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