My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
