She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
