my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
